Funny Quotes

“Future generations will look back on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad.”

“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”

“It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.”

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.”

“I once saw a photograph of a large herd of wild elephants in Central Africa Seeing an airplane for the first time, and all in a state of wild collective terror... As, however, there were no journalists among them, the terror died down when the airplane was out of sight.”

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

“Stupidity is better kept a secret than displayed.”

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.”

“Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.”

“What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.”

“The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.”