Funny Quotes

“What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.”

“It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.”

“It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.”

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.”

“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”